literature

It's not fair

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Literature Text

If you're in the mood to cry, I'd suggest listening Rainymood and Hymn for the Missing while reading this. Just for all those masochists out there.

It’s not fair.

The thought continued to resurface in his mind, no matter how much he tried to shove it away. An uncomfortable silence settled between the three teenagers, broken only by the sounds of their footsteps as they made their way through the sewer system.

Whenever the words would echo once more, a small nuzzle to his cheek brought his attention to the Noise on his shoulder. He stroked her head reassuringly, attempting to give the squirrel a grin, though this time he faltered and didn’t bother to try again.

It’s not fair.

It never really bothered him that his sister was a genius and he was an idiot. Some people asked if he was jealous, if he would wish for things to be the other way around, if he hated her because of it. The answer was always no; he didn’t mind that he failed all of his vocab tests, or that he still couldn’t figure out what the hell sohcahtoa was and why they needed to learn it in geometry class. And it would’ve just been plain stupid to pin the blame of how poorly he did in school on his sister. Whenever things were going downhill, she always knew what to say, even when he was at a loss for words, and he loved that about her. He loved her.

Their parents had to go and ruin everything, though. He was fine with how his life was going. So why did they have to gradually get pissed with each passing report card? They knew he wasn’t a straight A student. The tension continually grew, and he hated it, he hated that she had to retreat to her room whenever the arguments got too intense, he hated that whenever he would return after leaving to blow off some steam, she would still be wide awake until he held her in his arms and promised her that he wouldn’t leave for good. He hated, hated, hated it, until he just couldn’t take it anymore and gave up on himself.

But even when everyone lost hope, she never did. She was always there for him. She said that he would figure out what he wanted to do with his life, it might just take a little more time. But to him, fifteen years was too long. Just too damn long. That was an easy thing to say, coming from the mouth of the one who had her entire life planned out. He never cared before, the great differences between them, but now it hurt. His parents’ disappointed gazes, that he could handle. But her kindness, now that felt like an open wound, and the pity, the offers to help with his homework, the encouraging words that never ceased… those were the stinging salt.

Just as before, it wasn’t too long before he had reached the limit. He was done with the pain. He was done with school. He was done with his family. He was just done with everything. And so he pushed her away, just like everyone else, refusing to meet those caring blue eyes that he knew wished nothing but the best for him.

It’s not fair.

His heart stopped when he spotted the car, and when everything slowed down, all he could think of was that she would never make it across the street in time. This couldn’t be happening. Not to her. She had her entire life ahead of her. It should’ve been him, the one without a single hope or dream in the world. His legs moved on their own, and he felt a sort of determination he never had before. He had to reach her. She couldn’t die, not here, not now.

Before he even knew what was happening, everything became choppy. It was like some sort of movie that had been damaged. Sometimes he could only hear things, sometimes only see, sometimes both. He could taste something metallic in his mouth every once in awhile. He felt the excruciating pain every time. At one point, his hazy mind recognized her familiar face, though he couldn’t figure out why there was so much red everywhere, or why those eyes looked like there was no light in them, and especially why he felt a warm wetness in his own that traveled down his face.

It’s not fair.

When they both entered the Game, he thought it would be easy. He thought that he could carry them both to the end, no problem, and that she would have her life back. But as soon as they woke up, after they had made a pact to fend off the noise that surrounded them, she had smiled with that kindness that only she possessed, but there was no recognition in her eyes as she introduced herself and asked for his name. Her entry fee… it had been her memories of him. And so he added it to the never ending list of everything that just hurt these days.

He remembered, on the second day, that they had stopped at Sunshine Burger to eat, and the topic of what they wanted to do when they got back to the RG came up. She told him that she couldn’t remember what she wanted to do with her life, or if she even had any dreams for the future. And what was the point of coming back if you had nothing to live for? As soon as the words were spoken, he clenched his teeth and tried to fight back tears. This wasn’t right. It was all screwed up. She was the one who had a million reasons to live, not him. Everything was backwards, and it was all his fault. If only he hadn’t stormed out of the house, if only she hadn’t followed him, if only their parents hadn’t pushed him so far, if only he wasn’t such an idiot, she wouldn’t be stuck in this position. She didn’t deserve any of this.

It’s not fair.

Emptiness. That was all he felt as he stared at the bell pendant lying on the ground in front of him. His heart was pounding furiously, and his mind was clouded in confusion for a few moments before reality finally hit him. She was gone, for good this time. There were no more second chances and no more re-dos. A huge weight pressed against his chest, and he didn’t even bother to hold back his tears this time. Two familiar and unwelcome faces joined the scene, and all he could feel now was cold hatred directed at them. He would make them pay, he would make them regret ever messing with her,

He… would…

But his drive was gone. As they disappeared from sight and into the Noise Plane, he knew that he was completely useless. He was just a useless idiot who screwed everything up, this was all his fault, why hadn’t he been paying attention, why did he have to lie and tell her that he had dreams, why had he made her feel like he was worth dying for, why was he stuck in this stupid game, why did she have to be involved in it as well, why wasn’t he good enough, why couldn’t he protect her, why?

It’s not fair.

He could only listen and nod numbly as the barista explained that making a pact with the pin would keep him alive for the next few days, though the only thing on his mind as he stared at the object he held gingerly in his hand was that this was his sister and she was stuck in a pin now and he didn’t care about anything else. He had tried bringing her out on several occasions, but not once could he figure out the trick to it. With each passing day, he grew more and more restless, until he had to find someone who could help. She was the only reason in the world that he would that he would come crawling back to the two people he despised most with his tail between his legs, asking for help. And help he surprisingly received, though his options were limited: Become a Psych master overnight, or become a Reaper.

Whatever it takes to get her back.

As he sat on the rooftop of a building, trying to register in his mind that the small Noise sitting just a few feet away from him was really his sister, he didn’t know whether to feel relieved or devastated. Had Mr. H mentioned that this would happen? He couldn’t remember now, too caught up in the war between his conflicting emotions. Absently, he held out a hand, and she sniffed it hesitantly before rubbing her head against his palm and blinking at him. All at once, the barriers broke down, and the endless amount of guilt he had been holding back crashed on him all at once, causing him physical pain in his chest. He scooped her up into his arms and held her close, burying his face into her pink-tinted fur as a sob escaped him, followed by countless more. A string of apologies tumbled from his lips, even though he wasn’t even sure she could understand him. Of all people, why did this have to happen to her?

It’s not fair.

Everything turned into a blurred panic in his head when the weight on his shoulder that he had grown accustomed to suddenly disappeared and she was trapped in the grasp of a clawed hand. She scratched and squirmed, trying to free herself, and he felt her terror in addition to his own as the events from two weeks ago flashed in his mind briefly, except this time all he could do was stand and watch as she disappeared in a burst of static.

No, no, dammit! He had already failed her twice, and here he was, still making the exact same mistakes. Everything bad that had ever happened to her was because of him. This was all his fault. He stared into the face of the woman who had done something so wrong, and she was just smirking as she held the black and white pin in her hand. Just a few weeks ago, he never would’ve known that agony this strong even existed, and now here he was, forced to grit his teeth and endure it, pushing all the pain aside for the moment to give chase. He had to get her back. She just kept losing everything, her life, her dreams, her humanity, her tiniest chance to return back to life, and now all she had left was her existence. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t let that happen. They were on their last chance.

It’s not fair.

She never once gave up on him in life, so he sure as hell wouldn’t do it to her in death. The entire week was torture, but he went through it all for her. Whenever he felt as if he couldn’t go on, he would see her face and hear her voice encouraging him. “Don’t quit now, Beat! When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place!” And though it might not have been much, it was enough, and it carried him to the moment where, for the first time, he finally did something right. And as he held the pin tightly, face wet with tears, he choked out the words, “Rhyme… Rhyme, Rhyme! I’m so sorry. This is all my fault... I’ll never let you go again! Jus’ you wait! I’m gonna give you that second chance, I swear!” He was so close, but so far away from making up for everything he had put her through, all the pain she had gone through but never once did anything to deserve it.

It’s just not fair.
I cannot stop the endless amount of feels that these two give me, nor do I want to. Seriously, these two have my favorite character bond at the moment. Out of all my fandoms. I just can't with them.

So I decided to write angst. Yup. That's how I roll.

Beat, Rhyme, and TWEWY belong to Square Enix.
© 2013 - 2024 desiquiche
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